Journal

8/30/2026 Feels good to pick up trash!

This morning at 7 am I met 5 other people on Calimesa Blvd and we picked up a trailer full of trash. It was awesome, 3 hours, I was so dirty and so sweaty and getting tired towards the end haha it was work! But it is so satisfying seeing all the trash we picked up together as a team on this beautiful road filled with trash. I was nervous to post about it on FB and invite people to but I’m so glad I did! One lady’s husband donated the trailer from their construction company to help dump the waste. So cool. And she came so excited to help and kicked ass! So fulfilling, that road looks so much better now. People are willing to help, just have to ask! Will have to plan something for next month 😝

Also…I just made a change in my tennis technique…the grip! I am trying a western grip, hitting the ball with my forehand makes more sense now. Let’s hope I can practice it this week. Currently watching “Good Fortune” and it is so creatively unique of a movie and actually makes you kind of reflect on your own life and others, highly recommend! Also watched Obsession last night,,,I had a horrible feeling the whole time, it was so psychologically eerie, I have never been so uncomfortable and scared by a movie in my LIFE! Also, so interesting….amazing acting, unique execution, very comparable to the BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) symptoms. And also abstract way, similar to the obsessiveness people can experience in relationships. Was so eerie I am never watching it again but I do recommend –

Anyways, until next time, Addie

8/6/2026 Title: Human Flourishing

Today I found myself thinking about life and journaling about what my role is in my world, in my communities, and what kind of impact I want to leave behind. If possible. I keep coming back to the same question:
How can I spend my days in a way that genuinely contributes to something bigger than myself?

The words that come to mind are love, peace, mentorship, creativity, innovation, sustainability, laughter, education, efficiency, empowerment, vulnerability, willingness, curiosity, support and community.
Which all seem intertwined in healthy systems.
So, I don’t think my purpose is simply to do one job well,,,I think it’s to help create environments where people can thrive, where kids grow into thoughtful, capable adults, and where we learn to care for one another and for the Earth a little better than we do today.
Where I can help provide people with the knowledge, experiences, and tools to navigate life with confidence.
Hmm…I know this will grow even more once I have a classroom of my own.
But maybe also, it has already started, as I’ve been walking through life with a hole in my pocket, leaving trails of seeds behind me. I may never know which ones take root, but maybe that’s not the point.

And, maybe that’s why I keep thinking about my fellow humans and the education system. The more time I spend in schools, the more I realize that education is about so much more than preparing students for tests // of course math, science, reading, and history are important, but I also wonder why so many students graduate without understanding the world they actually live in?

Do they know where their trash goes after they throw it away?
Have they ever visited a landfill or a recycling facility?
Do they understand where their food comes from, how crops are grown, or how livestock are cared for?
Have they built something with their hands?
Fixed something that was broken?
Worked together to solve a real problem in their own community?

Or what about Social-emotional?

Have they learned how to repair relationships after conflict?
Have they learned how to ask for help when they need it?
Have they learned how to regulate their emotions during difficult moments?
Have they experienced what it feels like to truly belong to a community?
Have they been given opportunities to lead, fail safely, and try again?
Have they learned how to care for themselves while caring for others?
Discovered what makes them come alive?

These aren’t just “extra” lessons to me. They are liiiiiife.
And while yes, these challenges are a little more complex than a worksheet, but life is also a little more complex so why don’t we prepare our youth in a way they are empowered to conquer those challenges in their days beyond the school?

I keep imagining what school could look like if learning was connected to real experiences instead of isolated subjects. Instead of learning fractions only from a worksheet, what if students also built raised garden beds?
Suddenly math becomes measuring lumber, calculating soil volume, dividing planting spaces, budgeting materials, communicating schedules/plans/visions and also being aware of timing and consistency.
The concepts stay the same, but now they have purpose.
When learning feels meaningful, I think it sticks with people much longer.

And yes, every subject is already connected. How can we blend subjects in projects or lessons even more efficiently in our classrooms?
One project could include science through ecosystems and composting, math through measurement and statistics, English through journaling and persuasive writing, history through indigenous agriculture or local community development, engineering through designing functional physical systems, art through murals and photography, and social studies through civic engagement. Life isn’t divided into seven separate subjects, so why do we teach it that way?

(NOTE THIS IS A VERY GENERAL STATEMENT, I SEE SO MANY TEACHERS DOING THESE THINGS IN THEIR OWN WAY, maybe part of this relfection is just looking how we can support all teachers in implementing things like this in their classrooms and school cultures~)

When I look back on my own education, I barely remember the individual worksheets or quizzes. They certainly served a purpose // many of them helped build foundational skills that I still rely on today; my vocabulary, multiplication tables, reading, writing, and even learning about history all continue to shape how I think and navigate the world.
I value those things deeply.

What I don’t remember as clearly are the hundreds of isolated assignments themselves. What has stayed with me are the experiences that gave those lessons meaning, that reinforced that learning. I remember field trips, camp, teachers who believed in me, building things, exploring, laughing with classmates, being curious, using my hands, being provided opportunities and moments that made me feel capable. Those experiences didn’t replace the academics, they brought them to life. They became part of who I am!

I think that’s really what I’m trying to get at. This isn’t just about teaching sustainability or adding another program to schools. It’s about culture.

How do we continue to create schools where curiosity is normal? And encouraged? Where kindness is expected? Where stewardship, creativity, contribution, and innovation become part of everyday life? Where two-way communication is normal? A culture where students naturally begin asking how they can leave things better than they found them.

How do we create schools where thriving becomes just as important as succeeding?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN???

Man…this is the part that weighs on my heart. I know so many teachers are pouring everything they have into their students while working within systems that don’t always leave much room to slow down, explore, create, or simply let kids be kids. I sometimes wonder how many incredible opportunities are lost- not because teachers don’t care, but because time, testing, schedules, and expectations leave so little room to breathe. I don’t have the answer, but I keep wondering what school could feel like if we trusted curiosity just a little bit more.

Maybe my engineering background is why I think this way. Engineers don’t just solve individual problems,,,they redesign systems. Engineers ask why a system produces the results it does before trying to improve it.
Innovation.
Schools are systems. Communities are systems. Nature is a system.
Instead of asking, “How do we convince students to care?”
Maybe the better question is~ “How do we create experiences that naturally help students care?”

I know changing education sounds overwhelming, and maybe that’s because I’m thinking too big. Maybe meaningful change doesn’t begin by redesigning an entire district. Maybe it starts with one classroom. One teacher. One project. One unforgettable experience.

Imagine students investigating where their school’s trash goes. They could audit waste, visit a landfill, tour a recycling facility, interview custodians, calculate how much waste the school produces, brainstorm ways to reduce it, and present their ideas to the school. And even half of that plan is enough exposure to help shape a child’s perspective for the rest of their life. Or, plant a seed in their hearts that they tend to for their lifetime!
That one project could touch science, math, writing, public speaking, engineering, art, and citizenship all at once!

Or maybe it starts with a school garden. Students plant vegetables, measure growth, study insects, keep journals, learn about composting, donate food to families, or even sell produce to learn basic economics. Suddenly learning extends far beyond the classroom.

Or maybe students spend time interviewing local farmers, firefighters, engineers, artists, business owners, and park employees to understand how each person contributes to the community.

What if every student left school confident that they had something valuable to offer the world?

The more I reflect on this, the more I think schools shouldn’t just produce graduates. They should help shape people who know how to live well, contribute well, think critically, care deeply, and leave the world a little better than they found it.

I also realize that creating change probably doesn’t begin by convincing everyone they’re doing something wrong.
People rarely respond well to criticism. They respond to inspiration. They respond when they see something working.
Maybe that’s how culture changes, not through arguments, but through examples: One meaningful project. One excited classroom. One teacher trying something different. Small successes that slowly spread because people can see the impact with their own eyes. I have already seen it in Kelsi Santos’s 1st grade classroom I got to sub in one day at Valley Elementary,,,where she kept a compost bin outside for students to dispose of their foodwaste. HOW COOL!

Sometimes I wonder how I can bring these ideas to other people. How do I help create change that is healthy, practical, and lasting? Well, I don’t know the answer yet, but I don’t think I have to have the whole roadmap figured out.
BUT I DO HAVE A BIG HEART TO SUPPORT IT!

What I do know is that I don’t have to wait until I’m in a position to redesign an entire education system. Every time I coach tennis, mentor a student, substitute in a classroom, direct CITs at camp, or simply encourage a young person, I’m helping shape culture in some small way. I have to remind myself that maybe that’s where real change begins, not with huge policies, but with consistently creating meaningful experiences that help people become more thoughtful, capable, and connected.

If I had to put my vision into one sentence, I think it would be this:

Education should help young people become thoughtful stewards of themselves, their communities, and the Earth by connecting learning with meaningful experiences that prepare them not only for careers, but for life.

Maybe that’s the direction I’m meant to keep walking toward.

Maybe they’ll slowly become conversations, projects, classrooms, and eventually communities. I just know that every time I write about this, I feel a little more certain that this is the direction my heart keeps pointing me toward.

OK THAT IS ALL THANK YOU FOR READING ~ Addie

Music I listened to while writing this: No Rush. Just Jazz. – Vintage Noir Jazz for Late Night Relaxation

7/31/2026

I redownloaded instagram from my hiatus (it was a distraction, a time suck and was the best solution for the time being) because I just got back from my final session at Camp Conrad Chinnock and wanted to have a mean to connect with all the people I experienced so much life with this summer. This place and experience truly is life changing. I can’t even put in words what it meant, but I could try (link to post) ~ here is my most recent insta caption:

I think before I came on this Earth, my soul signed up for type 1 diabetes when my human body became 7 years old, not as a punishment ~ but a path,,,willingly accepting a lifetime of pain in my body, yet receiving in return the opportunity to cultivate; diligence, resilience, deliberation, authenticity, tenacity, adaptability, courage, mindfulness, self-discipline, self-compassion, humility, trust, empowerment, fearlessness, gratitude, boldness, vitality, perspective, wonder, purposefulness (haha I have more too i don’t want to bore you hahahahahahah) and a huge support in part from a summer camp with others who get it @campconradchinnockofficial

I am so grateful for this place and these people! What an honor to help the youth in the diabetes community just as others did for me when I was younger. And just crazy how this community still gives back to me in ways I never expected. Opportunities to guide, create, laugh and feel alive.
This disease is no joke but not doing it alone reinforces the tenacity in me, empowering me,,,reminding me that it is conquerable and I can continue the dance with it, through health and well-being.
First year as CIT director and it was honestly, THE BEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE! What an honor. Very humbling and eye-opening, vulnerable, and also empowering. I have grown so much over the last few months thanks to this opportunity and these people. I have learned humans in a clearer way, which also helps support the humans in my realm down the mountain. Equity. Compassion. freedom.

And although growth isn’t easy, we are more than capable, and if actively chosen, the journey is so rewarding~

To be good is a choice, you can train yourself to do good and a beautiful life will reveal itself. Work on shrinking the darkness and the love can shine to others in ways you won’t even believe. What a gift!Share love, offer grace, forgive, be present. Live your truth. Be responsible. Set boundaries. Find balance. Enjoy the journey. #CampConradChinnock

I love it! I don’t have much else to add, gotta do some laundry, clean my room and find my groove back home now. Going to go country dancing later tonight at Montana’s in San Dimas, always good to try something new and I miss swing dancing. Coaching tennis all next week and then school starts. More opportunities to help others grow and keep my heart flourishing! WHOOP!!

Songs I am digging: “Superstar” by Good Neighbor & “Chrysalis” by Empire of the Sun

7/14/2026

I just ate a froze BRC burrito my mom made, I have been so thankful to eat consistently on the same schedule at camp in which I don’t have to prep the food or clean up, lol now back home I have to get back on my own lonely routine. I just finished 4 hours of the second day of a 5 day tennis clinic for our returning varsity boys/girls tennis players and our new incoming group of players. So rewarding but SO TIRING! Coaching is very physical, and even more mental. “Behind every great player is a coach that believed in them first.”

I just got back from Camp Conrad Chinnock, my June weekends consisted of family camps which is very therapy based and I LOVE IT (I used to go with my mom as a kid so that has my heart a bit), then June to beginning of July, a week of Session 1 (kids camp where I was a CIT director, helping mentor and guide our future staff, 18 y/o’s, the second year Counselor in Trainings) and a week of Session 2 (teen camp, where I was the Camp Director’s [Mckenna Wilson] admin assistant). Session 1 was honestly, one of the best weeks of my life. When I was telling Taylor about it I cried from such love and amazement. It was a week of growth, support, mentorship, empowerment, laughter, tears, challenges, compassion, community, humility, love and all the rest. Camp is not for the weak. But I am certain that every person who chooses the camp route is capable of growing to work on finding their light and shrinking their darkness, and being the best they can be with what they have.
Session 2 wasn’t a role my passions could thrive, but I was able to support a lot in new ways that are NEEDED at camp. It gave me insight into running a summer camp, guiding fellow staff members, helping others feel seen, seeking out gaps, bringing the magic and getting video footage so I can make a camp compilation video in which I can share interviews and clips for others to learn about camp. I set boundaries this year so I don’t get burnt out, so I am missing week 2 (Session 3) of teen camp, so I can focus on me….and help Salinas with the future tennis team down the hill at Yucaipa High School. Going to my cousin, Megan’s wedding this Friday, then me, my mom, Jake and Taylor are getting a rented motor home and going up to Mono Village, by twin lakes past Bishop for the week. I’m excited! We used to go every year as kids. Taylor and I went last year, excited to go with some of the family. Bryce and his wife can’t make it, maybe another time. (Yes my brother bryce got married, recently, haha, we are happy for him, Nikki is an awesome gal)
OH I also didn’t get my surgery, conflicting philosphy with the plan of action and the surgeon, I want to get second opinions, also July is the BUSIEST MONTH of the year and I didn’t want to be strung up in my room, especially with such wonderful opportunities I have had at camp. Session 4 of camp will be kids camp again and I will be working with 1st year CIT’s, the 17 year olds who are aging out of being a camper, we have a great group of CIT’s coming up, I can’t wait! BTW I have updated my personal philosophy page to include the rag program that has helped align my heart over the years so check it out if you are curious~
Then summer ends, girls season of tennis starts, and life gets a little more routine again. Looking foward to girls season for tennis, it is going to be a good one 😉

Drink I am digging: V8 energy drinks (they are healthier ingredients, less chemicals)

Book I am listening to right now: Becoming by Michelle Obama (Part of my family is full of Obama criticizers, so they don’t get why I am reading this, but I wanted to give it a listen as I have heard good things, and respected Michelle as the first lady and her heart/action supporting youth health and nutrition and, well, I wanted to make opinions for myself. I am only 7 chapters in, which they were about her upbringing and observations, SO INSIGHTFUL! It gave me as a white person from southern California a different understanding of life for others. This next chapter is where Michelle graduated and is working as a new lawyer and just met her coworker, Barack Obama. I love listening to her stories and perspective. Highly recommend.)

Song I am digging: Black Eyed Peas I LOVE THEM! They actually sing about so many cultural issues and human struggles. The song I like for boogy vibes is “The Boogie that Be”. A classic is “Let’s get it Started”, or “Where is the Love?” is also a known classic that really addresses the lack of love and darkness (see below)….but “Ring the Alarm pt.1 pt.2 pt.3″ (also see the video below) has lyrics that really address the issues of society around us.
Food for thought, story form from TBEP’s 🙂

5/27/2026

Currently subbing in the same classroom I had my HS senior year English in with Mr.Stewart. Subbing for seniors days before their last day of public school isn’t ideal because they are all checked out, but I can get a lot of work done haha. Talking with seniors also reminds me of how awkard I can be, hahahaha ugh it is what it is, k-10 is my jam. Working as an elementary teacher in my future is up my alley just with my energy and heart, and I get to coach the HS students in tennis on the side so it’s a good balance. I like middle school too but some of them are psycho hooligans so it is tiring.
Will sub tomorrow in an elementary school which I always enjoy. Not many school days left to sub. I’m looking forward to summer as I can do a little living and creating and exploring. I am excited for that! Although. I am dreading getting ACL reconstruction and meniscus surgery…I am worried how that will affect my active lifestyle and coaching…waaaahhhhhh
Quote on the board in front of me: “A goal without a plan is just a dream” – Brian Tracy
Taylor shared this song with me, it’s a good one, and the part at 2:44 is just AMAZING!

Books I am reading right now: The Beginning Comes After the End: Notes on a World of Change by Rebecca Solnit

Food I am digging: Pasta Salad (Pasta, cucumbers, tomatoes, olives, bell peppers, mozzarella balls, artichoke hearts, banana peppers, garbanzo beans, italian dressing, salt/pepper) YUUUMMMMmmmmm Thanks to my sista, Serena~

5/11/2026

Lots of changes right now, lotssss. All good, they are invited and welcomed, I guess it is apart of growing into the person I want to be, or architecting the life I want to live. Everyday I am battling my own darkness in tandem with support of my light. It is humbling when I catch a new perspective of me and it’s not what I used to think it was HAHA, I am learning patience and grace. Trying not to let my heart and passion blind me of the present goal which is just to enjoy life and be alive! What a gift. I am thankful for tennis and the constant grounding I go through when I am playing myself, and coaching. I took the evening for myself instead of running around like I normally do and it has been good, just ate an apple and peanut butter,,,I should be doing school work, but I needed to get some creativity out. I looked through my website pages and wow I didn’t realize I am a pretty good artist! Lol, looked through a bunch of my photos from the farm in Michigan and it had me missing the life over there and the beauty! I put some photos on my photography page go check them out. Went to Pappy and Harriets this weekend in Joshua Tree with Taylor to see 49 Winchester, that place is COOL. It reminded me there is beauty in everything, and getting away is good.

Songs I am enjoying: “If I get High” by Nothing But Thieves
This song is nice, I liked it because the passion and beauty of the song I heard on the animated show “Invincible”, but then I watched the music video and it is about a boy and is mother who passed, it made me think of dad, it is sweet. But when I listen to it I can’t help but cry.
Going to one more firefighter memorial this weekend in Idaho. These weekends are pretty amazing seeing the collective of firement supporting each other and recognizing those we have lost. So cool, also heavy, sorrow is flowing in everyones hearts. Some days I think I outgrow my grief and then dad pops in my mind in a way my body just needs to cry, and it is ok….I feel it as a way to see him again.

4/15/2026

I am listening to Colors of the Wind by Judy Kuhn from Pocohontas, Earth Day is coming up!!!! My favorite holiday 🙂 I have been in a creation incubation for months, I have moments where I FEEL my inner creativity stirring, SO MANY IDEAS!!! I get lost in all the ideas to the point I can’t decide what to do and I end up doing nothing. I am now putting my energy towards doing. Creating. Being. Next week we are going to paint the tennis sheds and clean up the tennis courts. That weekend we are doing Love Yucaipa, where a bunch of people are going to put their time, energy and resources towards helping out our little town! How AWESOME! I plan on driving around town and getting footage of any projects and people working to share their hearts for this Earth. Additionally, I am moving rooms and I feel like that will help me reset my sleeping and working space so I can release the creation onto everything I touch. Lol. My knees are still healing…they are NOT as bad as they were a few months ago. I tore my ACL and bilateral tears on my meniscus. ACL is structural so I don’t have an important brace in my knee that led to my next meniscus tear which that cushion is injured and that brings pain. SO the pain has subsided and I might get surgery, but until then I am back to playing pickleball, and little bit of tennis. The boys tennis team lost yesterday which means we got 4th in league. No worries, they worked hard and played hard, season will be done in 2 weeks so I will get a break once that is done with. I value this season with the boys! I learned a lot as a coach and am excited to continue this journey.

Songs I am enjoying: “Greenhouse” by Aaron Alvira (This is peaceful~)

1/19/2026

I feel good. I can’t put it simply in words, but I am living life in a way that balances my talents, heart and energy so I enjoy life and am constantly growing. Things just feel right, I am back on the right journey that is meant for Addie and I am pleased! Tennis has my heart, I just ordered a wetsuit to get into surfing, new music to dance in my room to and I feel more seen at the schools, less like a stranger and more a person kids can come to, to be seen as well. 🙂
I have gained self trust back,,,which due to some of my life choices, I have become a stranger to over the years. I share sympathy for my past self for the challenges I embarked when I wasn’t in tune with my inner self. Living in fear driven by shame showed me it is safer to try and fit into others worlds by shrinking myself & outsourcing authority, when in reality my world encourages me to expand courageously & share my light which both feels right for me and helps others get in tune with their light as well. It is not easy, although each and every experience reminds me I do not need to abandon myself as I am capable of navigating the challenges that arise and that I have the tools to handle it. I still find fear hiding within me at times, but each moment is a reminder that “love always wins”, just have to learn how to execute it for the best and trust, me. But part of that includes involving others to help execute the vision, and I now have been finding people who are on the same journey as me, and we take each other in on our teams to help conquer life.
I think last year I would have said I am “lonely” since moving back, but now my solitude is my zen. My relationship with mistakes has evolved, instead of evidence of failure, it acts as feedback to help me recalibrate and continue. I have have found friends from putting myself out there and expanding on my hobbies (tennis, pickleball, hiking, surfing (apparently I am a surfer now), art, dancing, working at the schools, coaching, etc) and it reminds me that even when we are in a rut, life is never over!!
Everything I do is a gift. What a GIFT it is I get to work with hundreds of kids a week. What a GIFT it is I get to use my body to have fun and play. What a GIFT it is I get to enjoy life with others! What a GIFT it is I get to be back in my home town with my family.
Before my dad passed he told me he hopes I have a good life. The cool thing: it is.

Books I am reading right now: The Inner Game of Tennis by W. Timothy Gallwey

Songs I am digging: “Stay” – Daily J

12/24/2025

I am currently located in Yucaipa, CA my home town I left when I was 17 in 2014 to go to college, back living with my mom to be with family since my dad’s passing. I feel like I am in my crysalist while I adjust in my life and figure out my plans/path forward. I am working as a substitute in all grades for YCJUSD…it has been such a humbling and challenging job. It is giving me good experience especially for if I finish getting my teaching credential and become a teacher myself. Yucaipa has been good to me but I don’t want to live here forever. I recently finished illustrating that childrens book I have been working on for years, although I would like to illustrate and author a book of my own. I am a bit in limbo right now but I am taking it day by day. Life isn’t easy, so I am learning to dance with it!

Books I am reading right now: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, The Giver by Lois Lowry & Thriving as an Empath by Judith Orloff

Songs I am digging: “Flame” – Roosevelt Remix by Sundra Karma & Roosevelt